I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
