so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
