SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
