Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
