I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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