im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
