I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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