she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
