Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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