Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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