ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
