Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
