I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
