There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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