College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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