everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
