you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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