I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
