Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
