K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
