So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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