tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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