i may or may not be watching the land before time
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
