you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
