This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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