I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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