Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
