I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
