Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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