well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
