the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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