she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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