I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
