I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
