I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
