Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
