Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
