good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize