A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
