Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
