some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
