I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
