Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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