I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize