I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
