Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
