i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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