Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
