so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who died my cat blue again?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
