Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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