Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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