He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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