OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I skipped work to stalk him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
