just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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