I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
