I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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