A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
