the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
