I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize