I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
