You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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