Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
