I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
