Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
