somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
